On Palm Sunday, a pretty significant snow storm came through our area. At one point, the snowflakes were abominable in proportion (as in the snowman, not the behavior). Paul, my brother-in-law, messaged me on Facebook to ensure I was not missing the epic snowfall. We had this short exchange:
Paul: Holy crap! Go outside, the snowflakes are huge.
Me: Bits of shredded angel parts are coming down. This is how the apocalypse starts.
Paul: That's a terrifying way to phrase it. Haha.
Me: This is why I don't write horror. That stuff would be frightening. And also, I'd never be able to finish, because I would scare myself.
Then I started to think about it, and the phrase "This is how the apocalypse starts" is a genius catch-all for almost any situation. It adds levity, impact, and a bit of terror to almost any response.
Consider these examples:
Mom, I can't finish all the food on my plate.
You know, this is how the apocalypse starts.
Hey, hon, I'm going to be late from work tonight.
What, are you kidding? Dinner is already in the oven. Seriously, this is how the apocalypse starts!
Hi, welcome to Yummy Foods Restaurant. The soup for today is potato. These are our specials, but I apologize that we're out of the flounder.
Ah, missing flounder. This is how the apocalypse starts; I'll have a diet coke. (Because in the event of an apocalypse, I'm not worried about aspartame.)
Text from my mother with a picture of fresh baked cookies.
This is how the apocalypse starts. Also, those look delicious.
Phone call from a telemarketer: "Hi, we are calling today to ask you to adopt a starving child/police department/blind puppy with one leg. We assure you that all donations go directly to the cause; you alone can save this child/police department/blind puppy with one leg."
Aghghg! The blind puppy with one leg has risen! This is how the apocalypse starts!
Then I realized there's only one or two people in my life who would put up with me constantly pointing out the beginning of the apocalypse in inappropriate situations. And I also realized that I had been considering creating a new blog for a couple of weeks, and that "This Is How the Apocalypse Starts" would also make a killer (no pun intended) title.
And then this blog happened. This is how apocalypse blogs start.