Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Socially Awkward, but Not a Snob. Maybe.

Chris tells me that I come across as a snob. I remember years ago, my sister ran into people I went to high school with. "You're her sister?" they said, "But you're so friendly and different. She was kind of snobby."

A few years ago, we invited a couple and their children for dinner. They went to our church; we'd been attending a year or more. It was a nice dinner, and the man sat at my bar to make small talk while I cleared things away. I thought that was a bit odd--that the man sat and talked to me while his wife sat with Chris in the living space. He was also quite chatty, asking me a number of questions--almost insistent, in a charming way, that we have a real conversation--and the entire thing made me slightly uncomfortable.

After they left, Chris said, "That was fun. We should have them over again."

"Yes, it was nice," I said. Chris heard the unspoken "but" and lifted an eyebrow my direction. "He was kind of odd, though. What was that about?"

After I explained myself, Chris grinned. "That might be my fault."

It turns out Chris had gone fishing with this gentleman a few days before we had dinner. At some point, the man had asked, "So, what's up with your wife?"

Apparently, he'd tried to engage me in conversation at church several times and I "ran away." He said, "She'll say hi, but that's about it." Chris explained that I wasn't a snob, but that I was socially awkward and shy until I got to know you. He said that someone else had to do the work, to ask the questions, to draw me out, and then--after a while--I'd be comfortable enough to be the one who started the conversation.

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"Would you rather I let people think you're a snob?"

Sigh. I don't really want people to think I'm a snob. But sometimes, I feel like it might be easier that way.


  1. I can 100% relate. We don't want the introversion beat out of us :P

  2. I think I'm actually a bit less of an introvert than you are, too. ;)

    I actually genuinely enjoy people and being around them, but sometimes it can be a huge (if worthwhile) effort for me. Especially phone calls. It takes SO MUCH EFFORT to make a phone call for me (I don't mean like getting the phone out and dialing, but serious mental effort that I have to psych myself up for). Even when I'm calling people I know well. Unless your my mom, I probably don't call you much, if ever. Even Mabel I usually text instead...

  3. Wow, this is the exact story plot of a tv show I watched last night. The Middle. The wife told a neighbor man that her husband was shy and needed to be invited over etc. Funny.