Wednesday, January 15, 2014

That one second when the baby was maybe a demon

There's an awesomely terrifying and hilarious video making the social media rounds today that reminded me of an awesomely hilarious and momentarily terrifying episode that occurred when my son was a few days old.

Here's the video. You are welcome. And also, I'm sorry.

Here's the story.

My son was only a few days old. We were living at my mom's house, and no one was yet accustomed to the sounds of the baby monitor. Babies sound weird enough on their own if you aren't used to them--add in some cheap plastic, a bit of static, and an imagination, and it seems like the baby is half the time a wee dragon breathing through rocks and brimstone. You wonder, for a moment, if the cribbing might catch fire.

One day my sister came by after work. She demanded to see the baby, who was sleeping. Both my mom and I, sitting in the living room, threatened her with various ineffective comments such as, "If you wake him up, he's your responsibility!"

My sister made her way to the back of the house, where my brother and a friend were. Seemingly, she took to heart the seriousness of waking the baby.

Several minutes later, once my mom and I were amply distracted by television or conversation, the baby monitor made a sound we'd never heard before.

A voice crackled, low and wispy, at the other end. "Heelllllloooooooooooo," it said. The voice, traveling through the cheap plastic receiver, seemed cast in shadow and smoke and darkness.

I looked up, meeting my mom's eyes. Her face had gone a bit pale, her eyes grown much too wide. I'm sure it mirrored my own face. The fact that I was certain, in that second, that my mom was thinking the exact impossible thought I was just proves that we're related.

For a split second--not even an entire second, really--my heart crashed in my chest as my mind stumbled on the thought. Was THAT the baby speaking? Was the baby--sometimes a dragon, now a demon--greeting us with his mean, gravelly voice through the terrible, terrible invention of a baby monitor?

The thoughts flew through at warp speed, and then I gasped. "It's Alice!" I said, my realization coming at the same time my mother's eyes cleared and she thought the same thing.

It was my sister. Either messing with us through the baby monitor or greeting her nephew with a whisper so creepy she is possibly the Other Mother's sister--the Other Aunt.

Either way, it explains a lot about the kid, now that he's 13-years-old.


  1. you missed the part of the HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER after the fact. And I was doing it to scare y'all. I didn't think it would work but it did and we laughed for about 5 minutes.

    1. I did start out by saying it was awesomely hilarious :)

  2. next childhood type story (this one wasn't really childhood but it still kind of counts) should be the "camping" after watching Children of the Corn fiasco.

  3. Oh my god that's AWESOME! And I loved the devil baby thing on youtube: laughed to tears.

    My nephew likes to stare past me at the (empty) ceiling or wall and wave every once in a while. Creeps me out bad.

    1. Everyone on FB was all "Oh, man, this devil baby video is horribly frightening and evil," and I was like, "First thing I did was show it to my kid and we laughed for soooo long."

      But real life babies are the creepiest when they want to be, always talking to and waving at things.